she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
