I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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