Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he thought i was a dude.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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