ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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