Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
