she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
