Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
