oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
