p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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