Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
as a side note pls kill me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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