dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
