Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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