I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i dont even know how to be here
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize