So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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