My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
