thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
