piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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