Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
