Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
