my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
