Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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