Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
a search helicopter?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
