are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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