I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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