So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
