New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
