Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
