She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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