I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
