I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
