remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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