I met the friendliest cop last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
