i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
