The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
