we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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