found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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