He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
