why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
