did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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