guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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