i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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