I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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