The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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