he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
do nipples grow back?
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