Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
