my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
