just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
