Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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