ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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