just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
