Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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