he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
