This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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