He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
