its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
