I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
