Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
