So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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