sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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