I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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