Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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