In America we eat man semen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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