You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
