He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
