That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
