what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
