Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
