we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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