If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
