How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
