i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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